Today

Oscar jammed a small piece of lego up his nose. I'd show you, but in my anger and upset-ness, I threw it in the sink where it promptly went down the drain. Suck on that ocean outfall water treatment plant.

I tore shreds off him for it. I banned the Nintendo for a week. I sent him to his room. I told him to leave me alone. I yelled at him.

I reacted like this because I have been so deeply worried about his health - I live with an ever-present shadow of fear that something is going to take him from me faster and sooner than should ever happen - that I did not need the worry of him doing something stupid on top of that.

He has not left my side all afternoon, and often just come and sat beside me, just resting his head on my arm.

When was it decided and by whom, that love should hurt this much?